You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's never too late to be topless.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
