You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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