he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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