Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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