My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
