I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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