I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
