So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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