I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're a waste of cheezeits
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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