is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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