I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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