Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
