I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
