you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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