He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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