I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just high enough for therapy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
