please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
