Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
