i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
