just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
do herpes really smell.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
