Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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