Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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