that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
