He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
