imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
