I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I touched a dick in church today
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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