Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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