So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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