Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
