new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
