who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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