Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
