She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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