I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
