I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A bitchslap is in order.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
