my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
