and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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