i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
