your parents love me but you hate me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
