Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
