think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
