you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
