see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You're a waste of cheezeits
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
