you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
