I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
