Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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