every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize