You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
