I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
