Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
