i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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