I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This house was built for laser tag.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
