Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
