It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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