I look better un-naked...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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