Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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