so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
