Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
