You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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