You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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