so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
