I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
