My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize