so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
