So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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