He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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