he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This toilet bowl is my home.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
