he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
