Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
