i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
