I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
