I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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