Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
