Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
