ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
