Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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