i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
