So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
